Struggling to Find a Hobby? Here’s Why…
Finding a hobby as an adult is harder than it seems. When we were younger, trying things out and finding a community was quite easy and more often than not, we had designated times for the activities, that is, clubs/sports time. But as an adult, our lives are crowded with so much to do, that finding a hobby is pushed to the bottom of the priority list or forgotten altogether. But why should finding a hobby be prioritized when I have a career to grow and a family to take care of amidst other pressing tasks?
From stress alleviation, to health benefits, increased creativity and a sense of community, engaging in a hobby is known to not only improve your physical and mental well-being, but also help you maintain your individuality.
Here’s an excerpt from an article that says it best:
Many of us lose track of what we like to do and what our interests are because we’re busy raising a family, working, or entrenched in our codependency and people-pleasing.
Hobbies are important because they’re a way of expressing who we are. They can also provide fun, self-care, a challenge, a sense of accomplishment in mastering something new, and an opportunity to connect with others.
In addition to the above, research has gone a step further to prove that engaging in a hobby can lower levels of depression — and may even prevent depression for some. And this easily explains why most people took up a hobby during lockdown. A lot of people took that time to restart old abandoned hobbies, learn a new skill or try a random activity altogether just for the fun of it.
I could go on and on about why everyone should have a hobby. I could even go a step further and talk about how taking part in a hobby we enjoy, causes feel-good hormones in the brain to be released…, but instead I’ll let this linked article do it for me.
By now, we can all agree that having a hobby will lead to a better version of you, and a better version of you, is not only good for you and those around you but it’s also good for all other aspects of your life including your career. Yet we still don’t make time for them. We clearly see the benefits, but we constantly put off/de-prioritize them more than we’d like to admit.
But why is getting a hobby as an adult hard to begin with? Here are 5 factors that I believe might be holding you back and how to overcome them:
1. The Law of Inertia
Starting something new is always hard! Even Physics agrees with us through Newton’s first law (law of inertia) which states:
If a body is at rest or moving at a constant speed in a straight line, it will remain at rest or keep moving in a straight line at constant speed unless it is acted upon by a force.
Whether it’s attending your first art-class, joining a book-club or building a new studying habit (interested to incorporate studying into your routine? Read more here), starting off is hard and it’s important to acknowledge it.
Most people who pick up a hobby had a trigger/outside force that pushed them to make a change. Either work got too stressful and they needed an outlet, their mental health took a hit, they lost/left their job and needed something to occupy their free time, they didn’t want to disappoint their friend for a fifth time so they finally showed up etc. Basically, you need a force to push you out of your current state, that is, get you out of your comfort zone. Exhibit A, The Covid Lockdown Period: At some point we all baked banana bread or knew someone who did. There was a force that pushed all of us out of our comfort zone and into a new hobby.
Find your force. Find your why.
Keep in mind that with human beings, the force doesn’t have to be external, it can also be internal. Find your why. A ‘why’ that is important enough to you to cause a change in state.
2. The Learning Curve
For some of us, the hobbies that we would like to take up require a learning curve, and the older we get, the more we HATE feeling like we don’t know. That’s why we quit after the first try and say it wasn’t for us, yet we barely even gave it a try.
I remember watching a dating show where one of the contestants said that they always go on second dates. The logic behind it is that first dates are awkward and stressful so it would be unfair to judge most people from the first date. This led them to creating a rule: Always go on second dates.
Borrowing from that logic, when it comes to embracing a hobby that requires a learning curve, always go beyond the first class. You could tailor the rule to suit the hobby, intensity and effort required, some might require you to attend multiple classes to discover and develop the interest.
Always provide an allowance for the learning curve, the better we get at things, the higher the chance we’ll enjoy it.
3. Analysis Paralysis
Where do I begin?
From the many activities available, which one should I take up?
Should I try everything that appeals to me? YES!
Sometimes the only way to know is by trying.
If nothing appeals to you, try rekindling long lost interests, think about what you enjoyed at childhood, what captured your interest and why? What captures your interest now? Go a step further and find the underlying reasons behind some of the activities you enjoyed. Ask yourself why and list down the underlying principles. This list will help you narrow down what hobbies you should give a try.
Here’s a real-life example: I used to play football in high school, I attempted to join the football team in campus but it felt very inconvenient. The field was far, I barely knew anyone and it had been a while since I played so there would be a learning curve. Regardless, I still craved it despite how inconvenient it seemed. When I dug deeper I realised what I craved from football was:
- The feeling of being in a team. (A sense of community)
- Being physically fit.
- Having to push myself and lastly,
- A sense of achievement.
With the fundamental principles outlined, it became much easier for me to identify activities that met my needs. Years later I took up hiking and it’s become one of my major hobbies.
A point to note: Even with this guide, remember to create space for spontaneity and randomness. Sometimes what you’re looking for won’t be appealing to you at first. (You can read more on how to explore different hobbies here)
4. Financial Constraints: ‘I don’t have money’
This reason comes up often and is a valid one! Certain hobbies require a lot of money and it’s up to you to decide what you’re comfortable spending.
Last year I read a book by Lynne Twist called Soul of Money and this statement stuck with me (I paraphrase):
Does your money reflect your values? What you spend your money on should reflect your values. If someone who didn’t know you were to look at your monthly/annual financial statement, what would it say about you? Would it direct them to what actually matters to you?
We could talk all day about what we love, but what does the data aka money trail say you love? Check your statement some time and see what it says. For example, if reading is my hobby, I could say I don’t have Ksh. 3,500 ($30) every month to buy books/attend book-clubs, but when I look at my statement, I spend Ksh. 10,000 ($95) on take-out, which I don’t value. So is it that I don’t have the budget? or do I need to reassess my money allocation?
All this to say that, it’s important to stay within your budget, DO NOT LIVE BEYOND YOUR MEANS. However, make sure that before you say you don’t have money, you’ve assessed your statement to confirm if that’s true or if there’s money that could have been going to your hobby but is instead going to things that you don’t care about.
5. Time Constraints: ‘I don’t have time’
This is another reason that we have all said before, sometimes it’s true and sometimes it’s a matter of not wanting to make the effort.
I recently learnt about ‘The Four Burners Theory’. In this theory, the four burners represents one major quadrant of your life, that is family, friends, health and work.
The Four Burner Theory states that “in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two.” Some disagree with the theory completely, while others believe that you shouldn’t completely cut-off the burners but dim them.
I am in the ‘dim them’ school of thought but whether you dim the burners or cut them off completely, this concept is important to show that time will always be a constraint and life is all about seasons. Sometimes we will have time for all the things we want to do and sometimes we’ll have to prioritize other things above that. It’s up to you to find the balance on what works for you, allowing you to be the best version of yourself.
If you want to create/find the time, you can:
- Outsource some of the activities in the burners/delegate more to create time for yourself.
- Embrace the time constraints and see what you can do with the little time you have.
- Embrace that life is all about seasons, and ask yourself, What season am I in? And in that season, is there room for me to include a hobby? And if not, when in future can I make time for it?
On this note, it’s also important to note that some hobbies might have seasons, so don’t force yourself to love what you used to love, maybe your underlying needs have changed. If you find yourself no longer interested in old hobbies dig deeper and find what’s causing the boredom/disinterest. It might be time to take a break or recalibrate.
Hobbies are a great way to improve your life and once you overcome the barriers mentioned above there are numerous benefits waiting for you on the other side. An important thing to note is that there isn’t a one size fits all, hobbies come in many shapes and forms.
Do you prefer to engage in an organised group (eg hiking, painting) or alone (eg hiking, painting)?
Would you prefer a sedentary activity (eg writing) or an active one (eg sports)?
A productive hobby (eg bullet-journaling) vs a playful one (eg dancing)?
Selecting a hobby is an intrinsic task and one that we shouldn’t avoid if we want to live a fulfilling life. It might take a while to finally find one that sticks but once you find it, it will definitely be worth it.
I hope having a better understanding of the barriers that stand in your way as well as the tips on how to overcome them help you on your search for a hobby. Feel free to comment below with additional tips or views.
I wish you all the best on your journey!
#ChooseToThrive
